On the Fence of Chocolate and Vanilla ice-cream

You've tried it time and time again but never long enough to reap the results of true dedication, hard work and perseverance yet you deceive yourself into thinking that this time, things just might be different. You begin with great visions and aspirations, you set those goals and you're determined to achieve them, this is your time and nothing is going to stop you. Yes, that speech is rehearsed. You've been doing it every year for the last two to five years, its become routine, you've mastered it, by now you should have that car, the house with the pool, the apartment or condo you've been eyeing since the site was going through ground breaking phases, the handsome man you dress up for every Sunday hoping he'll catch a glimpse of your too white teeth and scarlet lips. So you're reflecting now, it's all so puzzling, you did everything right..right? You replay the scenes over and over finding the exact moment where you let it fall through the cracks, decided that it was too late to join the gym you'll never get that summer body in time to show it off or decided that more qualified persons would have applied for that job you so badly wanted so you gave up before trying. You see where you've fallen off your wagon so now you begin formulating the excuses, because how else will you justify and convince yourself that you did or didn't do all those things with solid reason! You're on the defensive and you've found your conviction! HA! You're ready to face those obstacles this time around there's nothing standing in your way, you're motivated, committed and enthusiastic like you've never been before, you can literally feel the blood rushing through your veins, you've never felt this adrenaline pump before, right now you're invincible, unstoppable, you're here to win! Fireworks paint the skies in the hues of a floral forest. Your spirit rides the clouds, soaring on the fiery tops of the sparks below, the glasses clink in unison, the dance floor draws you in, strangers become friends as bodies rise and fall together in sync with the nights music, cheers to the dawn of a New Beginning.

January 1st, 2019. Yes, you write out the whole word because that's just the whole new person you're becoming, you're walking around with that green smoothie, two extra pumps in your step a little practice for this afternoons gym session even though you haven't walked further than your couch to your bed all year. Today you eat at exactly 12 pm, you've never been more impressed with yourself as you are at this exact moment, your mom would be so proud of you right now, eating broccoli stalks and sauteed chicken breast. Yes indeed, You've out done yourself today, you bag that workout session, boom! This time around you know you're hardcore, you know it's your time to glow up. You keep this up for an entire week, the routine works, you've tested it out you're liking this new you.

It's been seven whole days, you deserve that treat, you've worked so hard at this new person that you're determined to become this year. You've disciplined yourself more than you have in months perhaps years, you know that you can jump back on the wagon anytime you fall off, you're once again convinced that you got this. But You Don't Got This. You just don't know it yet but here it comes. Rewind- Ok, so you treat yourself to that double cheese burger, some ice cream and a soda, you get home and watch tv till bedtime and now it's ZzzZZZZZzzz time. It's 3 am, you lost track of time, those seven days of discipline  really did a number on you, you hadn't realized you missed so many episodes of your favorite show.
Morning rolls around and you can't get out of bed, you're exhausted from the nights events, you drag yourself to the shower, and now who has time for breakfast? Definitely not you, you're running late anyway. The old habits creep in slowly, you're falling but you can't help it, its comforting, you miss it. It doesn't require much thought, there is no need for all that discipline and restriction, you're back to living your best life.

Now you're on the fence, just one more time wondering how to be both. You want to become that new person, you want to lose weight, start a business, sleep on time, be focused and productive, you so badly want this.... But you hold on to the fence for dear life. You live for those late nights with Netflix and popcorn in bed, the long weekends of no responsibility, binge drinking and watching the sun get high up in the sky before you leave the party. You, love comfort, I mean who doesn't, so you find a reason to stay in this relationship, just you and those dirty habits and a dangerous love affair. The Ex who keeps texting you to say he'll treat you better, he'll always be there for you, those empty promises you just live for, because you're too comfortable to let go. And so you stay, in comfort, hidden and tucked away in that teenage blanket of carefree habits and a future built on fantasy. Only 265 days to go anyway, I can start again next year. I'll be ready then, I'll do better then, I'll make those changes, I'll make them slowly, I'll do a little of both, like chocolate vanilla ripple, a taste of both right? You're convinced you've found the right balance sitting atop that fence.

I must inform you, one flavor always overpowers the other, balance does not lie within that ice cream tub. You'll never forge that new path if you keep taking the same route. Get off the fence, it's time to decide whether you become that person or stay that person.